Was It Really Your Fault?
Why do we blame ourselves after trauma—even when logic says otherwise? Discover what’s happening in your brain and how healing becomes possible.
MENTAL HEALTHTHERAPY
Khushboo Agarwal - Psychologist
6/14/20251 min read
After a painful experience, it’s natural to ask yourself: Was this my fault? Did I bring this on myself? Did God want to punish me? Is this karma? These thoughts often lead to self-blame, but they don’t always reflect reality.
Our minds try to make sense of what happened, and self-blame can feel like regaining control. Yet, just because you think you caused something doesn’t mean you did.
Ideas like divine punishment or karma come from trying to explain why bad things happen, especially when events seem unfair or random. While these beliefs may offer comfort, they can also deepen feelings of guilt and shame.
In reality, many painful situations result from factors outside your control—other people’s choices, timing, or chance. Your brain is wired to keep you safe by scanning for warning signs and threats. However, in complex or overwhelming moments, it can miss signals or freeze. This means that bad outcomes aren’t always your responsibility.
Sometimes, no matter how logical this sounds, it’s hard to accept. That’s because trauma affects the brain and body deeply. Trauma often disrupts memory processing, causing confusion, emotional overwhelm, and difficulty integrating what happened. This makes it tough to come to terms with events, and self-blame can persist.
This is where therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help. EMDR works by helping your brain reprocess traumatic memories safely, reducing emotional pain and clearing distorted beliefs like “It was my fault.” It helps bring clarity, allowing you to understand what really happened and release unnecessary guilt.
Understanding these factors is a crucial step toward healing and moving forward without blaming yourself for things beyond your control.
